Pilates… is…. a killer…

Did I mention that I’m a member of a posh-ish gym? (Actually, most gyms worth their salt in Kyiv are posh-ish, aka expensive). Mind The Gap is also a member of the same posh-ish gym, and you can read about some of the not so posh, but verra verra funny, goings on here, here and here.

In recent weeks, it seems as though I have been gallivanting from one place to another, flitting about like a well travelled little munchkin, enjoying life and my jetsetting lifestyle. Kinda true, I guess (it’s hard to enjoy the jetsetting lifestyle when one is afraid of flying!), but as a result, my fitness regime has gone to the dogs.

Now, you’ll remember that, during my three week sojourn in the second-motherland, AKA the UK, Mr Moi and I spent a week in Scotland, walking 152 kilometres (that’s 92 miles) through the untamed Highlands. This was supposed to fill up my fitness quota and go some way towards getting a dent into the 10 kilos or so that I’ve heifered on since I’ve been in Ukraine.

The only problem was, we booked our trip with these guys. See the bit where is says ‘support manager’? What I didn’t realise at the time of booking was that this support manager would end up cooking so much deliciously evil food, that everyone would finish the walk weighing more than when they started. So much for the weight loss dent.

So, having finally returned to Kyiv and eager to get back into the routine of daily life, yesterday I ventured to my first gym class in two months: pilates.

While I never expected the class to be a doddle – I’d done enough pilates over the summer to realise that it’s exhausting – what I didn’t expect was that I’d actually not be physically able to complete over half the class.

And even more embarrassing, my old teacher had left and had been replaced by not only someone who can’t speak English, but a bloke (yeh yeh, I know I should be more confident and empowered… But have you seen some of the arse-in-the-air moves required by pilates? This is bad, considering I almost need air traffic clearance to get my arse off the ground these days. AND there were only two other people in the class, so everyone is kinda in everyone’s face, excuse the sorta-pun).

Thus, during the class, the combination of exhaustion and m(ortification)odesty saw me choosing to sit and stretch, rather than complete many of the more complex moves.

And thus, I can’t understand the following… Why, oh why, I have woken up today with the sorest muscles and the worst headache I’ve ever had? I must be waayy less fit than I thought I was.

Damn it. There’s not antidote to that except… More visits to the gym.


22 thoughts on “Pilates… is…. a killer…

  1. Dear mind the gap. I was thinking the whole way through “If only MTG were here, so we could laugh at how crap we are together”. Of course, M didn’t suffer at all, nor the bendy little brunette girl who started coming to come of Leira’s classes… It was sooo embarrassing.

  2. The worst part about pilates is, that if you stop for a week, or a month or three months, you might as well have never done pilates in your whole life ever. Pilates hangovers are a lot worse — and a lot less fun — than the regular kind (drink lots of water for the headache!)

    My teacher lives in a 5th floor walk up. It is a disincentive. Although we now have post-saturday am pilates brunch. mmmmm bacon and pancakes.

  3. This sounds just terrible. For two months I had gotten back to my routine of running a couple of miles a day, and then abruptly stopped. I don’t look forward to starting again.

    I hope your headache gets better. πŸ™‚

  4. Oh how do I know so well the pain of not working out. I tried to do some yoga moves in my living room yesterday (because I cannot yet afford the gym here in Oslo) and really didnt even do them. But somehow I am so sore today. What the heck? I dont get it!

  5. Dear willowtree. Thanks.

    Dear carpetblogger. Yeah, well, I am discovering the pain of stopping. Two months is too long. At the moment, I can’t even sneeze without feeling daggers pierce my abs. The five floor walk up sounds like hell.

    Dear melissa. Ohh err I can’t stand running. Of course, I have the bad knees (you remember the falling in tofu story). So that doesn’t help. Also, I just don’t like the run-jiggles.

    Dear enidd. Broken calf? Email coming your way!

    Dear tiggerlane. I think I have a headache beccause of the lack of water. I forget how much pilates makes me sweat (it’s just prolonged stretching for goodness sake!)

    Dear kristie. Yeah.. the mind boggles! It’s depressing how out of shape I realised I am, if I get sore after not even really doing something!

    Dear molly. Yes well… hmmm. It’s a distressing sight.

  6. At my gym here, there’s this one guy that teaches yoga-he’s really good. I’ll have to try and make one of his classes this week-I haven’t worked out in months!!

  7. Yeah – why is it that what is soooo good for you feels so rotten when you first start? Yet, that which is bad for you feels sooooooo good when you first start?

  8. Hello. First visit. Thoroughly enjoying myself! πŸ™‚

    Had a very similar experience at a Body Balance class last week. Never have I felt so unfit. And that’s saying something!

  9. Dear theotherbear. Yes. They are. I wish I could just go for a walk in the morning, but public exercise isn’t the done thing here.

    Dear headless chicken. I don’t doubt that the gym is enjoyable, but really, it takes many visits to break through the pain and enjoy the pheromones or whatever is released during exercise. Personally, I like sitting in the pool.

    Dear claudia. Yes, my next thing is yoga. Perhaps the spirituality will blur the pain.

    Dear Karmyn. I’ve never really thought of it like that. i think that’s my new mantra!

    Dear wendy. Yes… it’s the moments where someone makes you feel unfit that you wonder “Why am I paying to be here?” But all in the pursuit of our health, I guess πŸ™‚

  10. I tried pilates once but just couldn’t get my breathing right. I ended up giggling hysterically (I was in a posh spa) and the more people looked at me the more I laughed…never again. I think I could manage the walking in the Scottish Highlands.

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