Ordering in restaurants redux

Last weekend Mr Moi and I decided to enjoy a leisurely breakfast in a restaurant. When I say restaurant, it’s really a cafe with a very extensive menu: breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea, coffee, juice, vodka and cigarettes. You know, the norm.

And this place conforms to the Kyiv tradition of serving lattes, cappucinos, mochas and the like with a bendy straw, rather than a spoon. In my humble experience, this is the tell-tale sign of bad coffee.

Perusing the list of breakfast delights available, it was hard to make up one’s mind.

“Do you fancy the Russian breakfast?” I ask Mr Moi.

“What’s in that?” he asks.

“Curd cheese, sour cream, pickles, potato pancakes, dill, potato pancakes, pickles, sour cream ad curd cheese,” I say.

“Ah… no thanks. I might have the Mexican breakfast,” he say.

“What’s in that?” I ask.

“Curd cheese, sausages, omlette, dill, toast, and beans,” he says.

“Cool. Well, I’m going to have ‘The energising breakfast: low-fat energy for those active people‘ breakfast,” I say.

“What in that?” he asks.

“Omlette with chicken and pickles. Sounds interesting, but not unappealing to my weird tastebuds. And it doesn’t sound too fatty; I know they don’t put cheese on the omlettes here,” I say.

So, we order away and sip on our juice and feel all healthy because we’ve just finished a session of sweat busting at the gym.

About 20 minutes later, out comes Mr Moi’s breakfast. On the plate are some little spicy sausages, beans, a huge lump of soppy cottage cheese mixed with dill, and a giant omlette.

“Interesting, but not unappetising,” he says.

This is closely followed by my plate, upon which sits a a giant omlette (seriously, I think about 6 eggs).

“Interesting, but not unappetising,” I say.

And so I dig in. I cut open the omlette, and out oozes a bit of chicken, followed by a little bit of pickled cucumber.

Hang on… Oozes? With my knife and fork, I pry open the omlette. It’s 100 per cent, chock-a-block full of mayonaise. And to complement the chicken, pickle and mayo, there’s a healthy sprinkling of dill, sitting on a bed of limp, cooked lettuce.

How this is low fat and energising, I have no idea. More like artery blocking and sluggish-movement inducing.

There was only one thing I could do.

“Uh, Mr Moi… Do you want to swap breakfasts?”

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24 thoughts on “Ordering in restaurants redux

  1. I love the dill bit. It is absolutley neccesary for a meal, isn’t it!
    I find mayonnaise disgusting.. Actually, being in Russia right now I can relate to the strange food. And what’s with the salads! I never recognise a single vegetable.

  2. Good thing is, if I lived there, I’d be skinny as anything. I’d survive on Marmite on Toast and water because I’d be terrified to order anything.

    Omelettes are one of my favourite foods–a nice veggie one–but if one arrived with mayo in it, I don’t think I could ever eat again.

  3. didn’t you know mayo *is* a health food in ukraine, little miss moi. how else are you going to put on enough body fat to see you through the winter?

    (enidd’s with marmite breath – she’s put on weight since moving from ukraine to california.)

  4. Maybe that’s the answer to my overweight problem move to Kyiv because if those were the menu choices I’d pass everytime- I wonder what it’s like to be a size 0 !!

  5. How would switching with Monsieur Moi have helped anything? Both breakfasts sound to me like they were tailor made for trolls who crawled out from caves in the Carpathian mountains….

  6. I love reading your blog, it reminds me of the summer I went on vacation to Ukraine. I remember thinking of how much butter they put on everything – and dill seems to be on everything (and I don’t like it, so I would be scraping it of all the time, cuz everytime you would try to say not to put any they always did). But most of the time the food was good and different!!!

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