Ordering in restaurants

Everyone’s heard it ad nauseum in other blogs, and I wanted to refrain from stooping to such lows here. But my experience yesterday changed my mind, and it’s because it involved a BOY. My little niece is so right. At the age of two point five, she’s learnt to blame everything on the boys. You go Eye!

Characters: LMM and newbie (male) waiter (who speaks little english)

Scene: Arguably the nicest cafe in Kyiv

LMM: Could I please have the ham sandwich with no butter?

Waiter: Um. Yes. Sorry. No. Um. Without..?

LMM: Without BUTTER. No butter. Nyet. Byez macla.

Waiter: Da. Kharasho. Oh… Kay…

Twenty minutes later, a plate appears with my delicious ham bread roll on it.

Waiter: Ham sendvich byez macla.

LMM: Oh, thanks so much.

LMM inspects the bread roll, and sure enough, it’s not byez macla, i.e. without butter. But I didn’t bother to complain. I just ate the roll and left a really crappy tip.

Boys. They can’t do anything right.


20 thoughts on “Ordering in restaurants

  1. Dear willowtree. Pffft the cook is a man too. But, as the waiter is the customer facing person, the buck (or hryvnia) stops with him. So it’s his responsibility to check the order is 100 per cent right before delivering it to his charming customeress.

    Oh, and i thought you were going to say, “It was the bitch who ordered it that screwed it up.”

  2. Ha ha I thought that WT was going to say that as well. You were too kind I think I would have ‘tried’ to complain, but if the waiter didn’t understand much English I guess you wouldn’t have got very far and that would only cause more frustration!!

  3. So it’s just as hard to find good service in Kyiv as it is here. The question is whether you’ll go back or you’ll be like me and just never go back. None of that 3 strike business – one big screw up and I’m done. Ask Qdoba – I haven’t been back in almost 3 years.

  4. Agreeing with Willow (whether it was a man or woman that made the sandwich, who cares!) but do you want your waiter/waitress putting their hands on your food to see if there is butter in there or not?? What if you had ordered steak rare? Would you want them to cut into it to test???
    Unless you say something, the waiter/waitress will not know it was done wrong.

  5. Dear pamela. Oh errr I love onions. But it must be a pain in the bum to not like onions, because if there on something, the taste lasts even when they’re gone.

    Dear gorilla bananas. There’s a product in Australia called “almost butter” or something. Don’t know why it’s just almost butter and not marj. But this was defo butter.

    Dear zhenya. It’s not on the way to borispil, it’s one of the best cafes in town so it’s definitely not a road stop! But I’d be annoyed about the lack of smetana too…

    Dear chrisb. Sometimes I feel like a 2 year old – I can say “I want blah” and “Do this”, but I can’t really get into deeper explanations….

    Dear theotherbear. It has something to do with the 15 kgs I’ve put on since living in Kyiv. 15kgs – remember I’ve only been here for 8 months.

    Dear uncle mark. Remember at the start of the post when I said “Best cafe in town”? Well, you could almost write “Only cafe in town”. I have to go back. The power of the consumer isn’t that sophisticated here yet.

    Dear swampy. After reading that story, I think I will just shut up and eat next time!

    Dear enidd. Bah! Butter is bad for you, and seeing as I failed miserably at the enidd diet, I have to think of other weight losing alternatives.

    Dear marmite breath. Grr how annoying? Perhaps you need to wear a sign around your neck: NO MEANS NO(NE)

    Dear beccy. It seems everyone did. Do you feel guilty about it..? I don’t 🙂

    Dear give it a try. Well, it was ham and salad. Lots of salad. And there’s too much butter on it.

    Dear lacubana gringa. Oh.. I think you just put into mind my next post. Thanks! It’s a mayo story.

    Dear claudia. Nope, I didn’t expect him to look into the roll, but I would expect him to confirm the order with the cook. “So this one doesn’t have butter in it” as he’s taking it from the counter. No too hard, is it?

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