A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.
The head monk said, ‘We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.’ The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying.
He asked what was wrong.
‘The word is ‘celebrate,’ not ‘celibate’!’ sobbed the head monk.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here,” and he crumples him up and tosses him out onto the sidewalk where he gets all scraped up and tangled. The string walks right back in and orders a drink. Amazed, the bartender asks, “Hey, aren’t you that same string I just threw out?” The string says, “No, I’m a frayed knot!”
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.'”
“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.”
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look.” He picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What?, because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
I went to the butcher shop the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f sh.