Witty Wednesday

*Scroll down for some photos of what’s going on in Kyiv today*

Have you heard this one?

A man walked into a bar.

He should’ve been more careful.

Chrisb at Ms Cellania is on a mission to make us all laugh. Today she posted an Irish joke that was rather giggle worthy (and she said “most of you will get it before the punchline.” I’m so slow, I didn’t get it until a couple of seconds after the punchline).

Her joke reminded me of one of my all time faves. And I’m not insulting Irish people – I’m half Irish Aussie convict myself (the other half is stubborn Scot).

It’s long but worth it.

* * * * *

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peeper bag.” The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.

They get into Gerry’s van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. “Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?” says Gerry. “Oh, yeh, dis looks good,” replies Paddy.

They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. “I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?” says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a ‘SPLAT’. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, “Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin’ is too fockin’ dangerous for me.”

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar ‘peeper bag’. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

“Hi, Paddy. Watch this,” Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot’s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry’s remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, “An’ oim never troyin’ dat parrot-shooting nider.”

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself, Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar ‘peeper bag’. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head – “Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin’ hen gliding.”

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21 thoughts on “Witty Wednesday

  1. l’m so pleased you have joined beccy and I on ‘witty wednesday’. Funny we’ve both chosen Irish jokes yours made me laugh.

  2. Very good which is more than I can say for the accent (I don’t know what made me laugh more) but it sounds like you were talking about people from the north of England.

    Btw, the Irish would tell that joke only the characters would be English instead.

  3. Dear beccy. That’s quite funny! I think when I first heard it, it was an Irish, and Aussie and a ‘pom’.

    Dear Zandria. Glad you liked 🙂

    Dear Karmyn. Norwegians? That’s so weird, I’ve never heard jokes about Norwegians before… Why Norwegians??

  4. oh no Karmyn is wrong. Sven and Olie were the two guys who went to the funeral home after their best buddy was killed in an explosion.

    They rolled the body over and looked at his backside and said, This can’t be our friend. The mortician said “why do you say that?”
    and Sven and Olie answered, “Because when we come walking down the street everybody would say, Oh here come Hans with the two arse holes. this guy only has one.”

  5. That’s hysterical – I keep reading it over and crack up each time! Loved your bar joke; it reminds me of this one – a horse walks into a bar and the barman says ‘why the long face?’. (boooooooo hisssssss)

  6. Did I not comment here the other day? Because I’m pretty sure I did :/…probably screwed up the w.v. and didn’t realize it–wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last…

    BUT, I did giggle when I read it–you “told” it well :).

  7. Norwegians – I think here in the U.S. – during sometime in our history – there was a huge Norwegian immigrant population – therefore, at some point they became a brunt of the jokes.

    At any point – probably less likely to piss them off than any other ethnic group, I suppose.

  8. Just found your blog through Jenny on a day after I claimed to be Ukranian!

    Coincidence? I think not.

  9. Dear melissa. I know, that’s my favourite thing about this joke. Budgie jumping, heehee.

    Dear luciluna. Glad you got a giggle.

    Dear sabrina. Oh my gosh. That was absolutely totally a joke I would come up with myself, and Mr Moi would totally roll his eyes at me!

    Dear jenny. Oh well, only if there are copious amounts of begging. Although I’m not sure anyone will dip back into my comments to read this response… okay, one day.

    Dear elena jane. What, no good Irish jokes? Well, you can do a net search on them. They are very popular in Australia. Because we’re mean (although there are a lot of us who are of Irish descent. But we can’t remember anything beyond two generations).

    Dear claudia. Ah you flatter me and my (impeccable) taste in jokes.

    Dear pamela. That had me laffing and laffing! That’s hilarious. I think you should join witty Wednesday too.

    Dear sarahemily. I wasn’t booing and hissing at your horse joke. I like that one! Reminds of the one about the frayed knot. Maybe next week…

    Dear robin. I always do that. Usually on your blog – always wants me to w.v., and cause I use Firefox I flick between tabs all the time and in slow mo, I usually hit exit and a split second later see the w.vv. request! Oh well, shouldn’t be in such a hurry.

    Dear karmyn. That’s very interesting. Is that why, when I watch movies like Fargo, everyone is called “gundersson” and “svensson” and “pickled-herringsson” etc?

    Dear natalie OH I mean, Nat. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. And I have to claim a partiality towards Marmite seeing as there’s a 1 per cent chance of getting it here (read: swiping it from a pommy’s cupboard) (and I say pommy in the nicest possible way), than the 0 per cent chance of getting Vegemite (I only know two other aussies here. One is Mr Moi. The other is his friend who I had to bring vegemite back for!)

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