Have a haiku on me

In my world, everyone’s a winner (either the words of a loser, or a fan of FDR) (I fall into the former category, in case you were wondering).

I have written a haiku in everyone’s honour. Based on their competition entry…

He sat on the bench
Condensation set in. Stand
Up, skin’s left behind

Fripples through the mist
She can’t feel her mammaries
She and bra are one

That shrinking feeling
A feeling of profound loss
Something’s gone, ‘downstairs’…

He licks the steel tap
It is minus seventeen
They have tongue for tea

A tap up my nose
Emits lots of snot drip drop
Snot-cicles. Can’t breathe

Wake up. Sit on loo
No tinkle. Just a wet bum
Darn iced loo water

stick finger up nose
ouch! stabbed by icy nose hair
blood, freeze! finger stuck…

Boobs freeze to brass bra
Pumpernickel licks the brass
Uh oh! Cold and stuck

Run out of clean undies
Pull out trusty thermal slacks…
Too hot for summer

Pull on thermals. Hot!
Pull them off, wring out the sweat
Cowboy hat instead


Ten pairs of knee socks
Toes are warm but nothing else
Knit some thigh warmers

The very nice man
L.M.M.’s a girl
Does not know what go-nuts are
Erik! Please explain…

PS I’m not a poetry freak. I suck at it. But I do like writing funny poems.


17 thoughts on “Have a haiku on me

  1. Oh MY GOSH! That was awesome. hahahahahha. I usually hate poems… but now, because of your great talent, I love haiku!

  2. B-W-A-A-A-H!
    Sorry I missed the “Thermal Wearing” Guess for a chance to have my own personal Haiku. You are a Haiku genius. These are gigglerific.
    I am going to miss my blogging visits for awhile but will check in as often as I can.
    Not Haiku, but a favorite quote, “It’s colder than a witch’s t*t in a brass bra.

  3. I don’t get haikus (never have, and sadly, being married to someone of Japanese ancestry doesn’t help). I do like these ones though..

  4. Dear beccy. No worries. They’re fun to write.

    Dear samantha louise. he he I’m glad you liked! “Poetry is the food of love” or, in my case, satire.

    Dear swampwitch. Wow thanks. I’m glad you giggled at my haiku. I really like that quote. Brass bra, ouch.

    Dear jenny. There just isn’t a word to explain the problem like fripples.

    Dear chrisb. Thanks, it’s easy to be clever when you’re doing it for cheaps laffs.

    Dear Karmyn. You love fripples? Are you sure you don’t find them a little umcomfy? hehehe. Kidding. I willfully misunderstood you.

    Dear Pamela. Oh dear. That’s a bit intimidating. I real haiku person, japanese name and all! I shall check it out, thanks for letting me know.

    Dear willowtree. I don’t really get haikus either. I’m sure it’s something very zen. But that’s why mine are total piss-takes…

  5. Missy Moi (yeah me again – you know, the one who gave birth to you) – I saw that there were a couple of sayings. When we were young and silly and the temperature got down to 5 deg celsius we would say that the cold would “freeze the balls off a bronze monkey”. I had forgotten that until I read some of your visitors comment!!!! Hoo roo.

  6. Oops sorry it is “freeze the balls off a brass monkey”!!! Can you tell that I have had a wine or maybe 2 tonight!!!

  7. Dear Little Miss Moi~

    🙂 I’m a closet poet. And there’s never any predicting what will make my spirit soar.

    Humor goes a loooonnnnnnggggg way.

    Thanks for “mine” (but they were all fun!).:)

  8. Dear mama moi. A haiku is a poem that doesn’t have to rhyme, but has to be three lines long – five syllables on the first line, then seven, then five. And I think I’ve heard you say ‘freeze the balls of a brass monkey’ quite a few times when the temps dropped below 10 celcius!

    Sabrina and robin – you’re welcome. Funny poems anytime is a pleasure. Robin – you’ll have to show us some of your pomes!

  9. Dear jenny. Gee thanks! If I think you’re funny, and you think I’m funny, then that must mean that I just might be funny… even a little bit.

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