Chernobyl water is great for the ‘do

For a few years now, I’ve been alarmed at the rate at which Mr Moi is losing his hair. He looks really nice with a full head of hair. I’m learning that he still looks really nice with a little less at the front.

Deep down (catholic guilt again), I’ve been a little concerned that I am a stressful factor in his life, which caused him to start losing his hair. Of course, it would have nothing to do with, say, ageing, or um, genes.

Well. The tables have turned. I am now the premier hair-loser in the family.

Every morning when I make the bed (which is a daily occurrence since unemployment), I furtively examine the pillow and brush my lost hair under the bed. After a shower, I have to pull out the shower head and wash all my shed hair down the drain.

And the dead giveaway – the comb – is now chock-a-block with strands of my hair.

Mr Moi, on the other hand, has stopped shedding.

Now, this could be a result of my scalp naturally shedding because my hair is too thick. Le Bouf is IN in Kyiv, and thinning shears are OUT. Neither of the two haircuts I’ve had in Kyiv have sufficiently cut out Le Bouf. Hence the Carol Brady.

However, one must also remember that Kyiv is only 80 miles downstream from Chernobyl. That’s why, during summer, ‘they’ recommend you don’t give into the temptation to take a dip in the River Dneiper. Unless you want to grow another head.

This is also why I choose to steer clear of seafood in this town. I’ve seen too many fishermen on the river to believe that the fresh fish for sale here was shipped at great expense from the Black Sea.

So, I believe it’s highly likely that the tap water I am washing my hair in was floating through Chernobyl yesterday. The tap water here isn’t treated. ‘They’ say that, if you’re desperate, you can drink it after you boil and filter it. But, ‘they’ warn, that won’t get rid of heavy metals like, say, lead. In which case, I doubt it would get rid of radiation.

I don’t know whether to be alarmed or look at this as a positive. Is exposing my hair follicles to small amounts of contaminated water akin to building up an immunity? To, say, chemical warfare?

What other benefits could there be to living with Chernobyl water? Are there other people in Kyiv losing their hair?


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