A long time between posts… again

Well, the tables have turned, and I’m not a person of leisure any more. I have bid farewell to my life as a lady who lunches, a stay-at-home-mum, a kept woman (he he he) and any other snappy little label you can think of.

That’s right, I have re-entered the corporate world. I’m a full time working mum.

So far, it hasn’t been too difficult. The one thing I absolutely hate, though, is having to bolt out of the office at 5:00pm on the dot in order to pick up Le Sproglette from day care before they shut their doors at 5:30pm. There is no room for procrastination in my working life anymore, and that was previously my modus operandi.

I am very surprised at how comfortable I am with leaving the Sproglette in full time child care. She seems to really enjoy her time there, and luckily I don’t have to drop her off (that’s Mr Moi’s job, and that’s when the tears happen). I have the occasional twitch of guilt about abandonning my child as soon as she turned one (which was just how things worked out, rather than an actual plan to do so).

But I disregard those twitchings as soon as they surface… Because I haven’t felt better than I do now, for months – even years. I never thought I was much of a career girl, but I really thrive on my work, on being a bit ballsy when required, and really stretching my intelligence (I’ve realised that when it comes to myself, I’m a bit of an intelligence snob, that I love sounding like I’m a clever clogs) on a daily basis. I love having interesting conversations with my colleagues, I love having an argument and sticking up for my work and my profession (communications = the great misunderstood).

I especially love working in an office. Freelancing, for me, just didn’t turn me on. I don’t think I could write a book, because I just couldn’t fathom those endless months of sitting in a room by myself and typing typing typing, even if an editor or mentor is at the other end of a phone line. I need the discipline of working in an office, I’m just hopeless by myself.

I wrote a comment on one of my favourite blogs, Girls Gone Child, and it sums up how I’m feeling at the moment:

Dear rebecca. I’m *sort of* having that experience. I’ve just gone back to work full time after living abroad for 2.5 years, .5 of that time with a baby, and the entire of that time being professionally stifled/frustrated/unable.

Now, at work, I’ve seemingly slipped seamlessly back into the work me – I finally feel whole again! I sort of forget that I have this whole other life involving t-shirt covered in mashed sweet potato and pasta, and dirty teething nappies at 4am.

In fact, after feeling like I was living in a haze of lethargy for the entire first post-natal year, I am working full time, sleeping less, thinking clearer and feeling wonderfully alive.

I really feel like I’m getting the best of both worlds at the moment. I hope it doesn’t come crashing down.

I found the first year of babyhood a total rollercoaster, as many mums do. I felt tired, exhausted, worried, anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated, bored, angry and hopeless on more occasions than I care to remember. I love my little Sproglette, but after a year of just me and her, I think I needed to get back to work, to do my thing, in order for me to be a better mum to her.

Now, every hug I give her feels like it counts ten time more.

Now, I never begrudge a cuddle, or a song, or a story book.

Now, I have a chance to miss her smell, and I appreciate it more when we’re together.

Now, I’m happy with myself, with what I’m doing, and feel like I’m a better mum.

And it’s all because I’ve finally figured out that I need to make myself happy in order to bring up a happy little Sproglette.

And thanks to Bex from Bex, Perplexed, for leaving such a lovely comment.

PS I wonder now that I’m back in the office environment, if I’ll stop having those crazy dreams where I’m about to graduate from high school/university, only to realise that I haven’t completed all the subjects and must start all over again. It’s a recurring nightmare.